For Rich or For Poor: Should Women Marry for Money?

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smart-girls-for-moneyThere’s a book that addresses an issue most women don’t take into serious consideration when looking for a life partner. Financial security.  I know what you’re thinking “I do!” but honey let’s face it when love comes into our hearts many of us throw financial status out the door because we believe the money will come later or convince ourselves it’s not as important as we once believed.  This is especially true in a woman’s early 20’s (I’ve seen it happen many a time and have even been guilty of this in the past myself).

The book is  titled Smart Girls Marry Money  written by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake, and the title alone tends to spark controversy and conversation amongst many. Yet it also empowers some women to come up with a new game plan for finding a mate…maybe. Statistics prove that almost 50% of marriages fail due to lack of financial security so the authors say that it’s time for smart women to wake up and smell the money! They use real life stories, stats, as well as science to build their case for why marrying solely for love is not a wise decision.

“Why does society applaud a girl who falls for a guy’s big blue eyes” yet denounces one who chooses a man with a big green bankroll”? After all, isn’t earning power more a reflection of a man’s values and character?  – Excerpt from Smart Girls Marry Money

The author’s premise is that young women should not waste their love on young financially unstable men because they may never become successful and, if they do they’ll probably eventually just exchange you for a younger model when you’re too old to successfully compete again for marriage (Insert Scorned Cougar here). So basically instead you should marry rich while you’re still young enough to bait the rich men. Pursue a desired lifestyle and a man with resources to supply for that lifestyle, because although money can’t buy you happiness it’s easier to handle the stresses of marriage in a 12,000 sq ft mansion of the hills than in a studio apartment in Van Nuys.  To these authors love is at the bottom of the list in things to look for in a husband.

This book didn’t really resonate with me, however the authors do have one point  (and one point only in my opinion) which is “It’s just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor one.” Technically speaking this is true.  However I don’t think there’s a need for anyone to get married if they are not able to provide a sufficient lifestyle for themselves as an individual first. Meaning if you’re living in your parent’s pool house or constantly crashing on a friend’s couch, marriage should be the least of your concerns!  I also think couples should talk about finances before talking marriage and have a financial game plan for their future before ring shopping is even up for discussion.  It isn’t the lack of money in and of itself that puts the tension on marriage (money comes and goes for all of us).  It is Lack of knowledge and preparation for a future together that drives the divorce rate. 

Think about it….We spend most of our lives planning our future but with the ideal that we’ll eventually fall in love and marry someone who will get in line with our plan, with no resistance or complaints.  However that’s not reality nor how relationships work, but many have tied the knot before truly understanding the gifts of trust, patience, and compromise – all of which are directly affected by money.

Marrying for Money

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“Just as our words reveal our heart, the way we use our money also reveals what is in our heart.  Our Lord said –Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”  Mathew 6:21.”

I know people (both men and women) that strictly perceive all  matters related to money are strictly business and therefore marriage as a business deal; so based on what the authors of this book are saying the ideal of marrying for money works for some people. On the flip side I know plenty of romantics who believe in finding their soul mate, and living happily ever after just like in a fairy tale.  And then I know others who land somewhere in the middle and believe that with a lot of work they can have the best of both worlds in marriage and money.   Without passing judgement I will just say different strokes work for different folks.

My overall point is money is both a tool and a test.  How you prioritize the importance and use of it in your life will have one of the biggest impacts on your overall happiness no matter who you choose to marry. However if you haven’t learned to love yourself enough, and become self-aware to know what you really need and want in this life, marriage won’t fix these issues, and the marriage will be doomed for failure regardless of your intent for a union.  I also think that the basis of a  “successful marriage” is going to vary for each couple.  There really is no right or wrong answer it’s just a matter of what each couple strives to achieve through their union. If a women desires to be with a man for financial security, then she should find a man who feels the same way and unite because they deserve each other (Note: If you marry for money you will earn it! Take that however you want to). I choose to marry for love with the mindset that my husband won’t be my savior or key to happiness,  he’s my partner and he and we can grow our wealth together. This doesn’t mean I’m going to marry a man that’s fiscally irresponsible  it just means I don’t expect him to be rich.

What are your thoughts on this topic?  Comment below on if you feel women should marry for money.

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  1. reber1082
    August 22, 2018 / 2:09 pm

    This isn’t 1950 where mothers were grooming their daughter to marry a man that will provide. This is 2018 and the narrative has changed. To each their own and I pass no judgment on marrying for money or love however I think the lesson should be to our daughters is that they should be able to rely on themselves first monetarily and emotionally. I personally try to teach my daughters that it’s not a requirement for them to grow up and get married if they don’t want to. They need to go out get their education and work for what they want instead of having to rely on someone else to provide for them… I agree with you!! Good article!!

    • ninasnotions2018
      August 23, 2018 / 1:32 am

      Totally agree! Thanks for your feedback.

  2. August 22, 2018 / 6:17 pm

    “Meaning if you’re living in your parent’s pool house or constantly crashing on a friend’s couch, marriage should be the least of your concerns!” Absolutely. You have to take care of yourself first before you go looking for a man to be your savior. And while I certainly don’t believe that women should marry deadbeats who can’t carry their weight, marrying solely for money is usually a mistake. Years later when the marriage goes south, these women feel trapped in a miserable relationship because the husband’s bringing home the bacon. Even if you marry for love, it’s never good to be totally dependent on someone else. What if your husband unexpectedly loses his job or becomes ill? All things to consider.

    • ninasnotions2018
      August 23, 2018 / 1:37 am

      Exactly! I’m glad I’m not the only one that sees it this way.

  3. Vanessa Perez
    August 24, 2018 / 4:29 am

    This is a new era. As someone mentioned earlier this is not the 1950s it’s 2018.

    That being said, I don’t totally agree with marrying for money, however I do believe that women should be aware of the other persons financial habits.

    I know I said women (it should apply to both sexes). My parents raised me with the belief that the man should be either equal to your status or higher but never below you. This was repeated to me by my father especially. I was raised to be very independent, not to be dependent on a man either monetarily or otherwise (I was also shown the basics on car maintenance).

    Of course I didn’t totally listen when I met someone, fell in love and got married. I have learned the hard way. And while I have many single friends who laughed at what I’m about to say, they should take it more seriously because once you are married it’s a little late. You should get a credit check/background check on your potential significant other (sooner rather than later). Once you are married you take on the other persons debt and it’s not pleasant to find out too late when you get a big surprise at tax time and find out your return is being reduced due to the other persons debt.

    • ninasnotions2018
      August 24, 2018 / 11:21 am

      Yes the concept of marrying for money definitely doesn’t just apply to women, but the book references only women so I’m saving the discussion on men for a different post. Also I agree with finding out as much as you can about your partner’s financial history before marriage because I have watched some close loved ones lose almost all of their savings because they were blinded by love, rushed into marriage, and then got chained to a huge debt. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

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