Bachelor Syndrome: Understanding Various Types of Single Men

group of men

Photo by Pinterest

Bachelor Syndrome:  A man who is perpetually single due to the conditions/expectations acquired from living as a bachelor.

We all know or have met this guy: He’s in his 30s or 40s, friendly, attractive, and yet he’s never been in a serious long-term relationship (or he’s had one, but it was ages ago). And as his single status stretches into another decade, one has to wonder: What’s the deal? On the surface this guy may simply not be ready to change his single ways. Or, he says he will eventually settle down with “the right one” — but it’s clear something’s blocking him. If you feel you may fall into this category (or know someone who does), read on to learn about how a few common types of bachelors, and what you should know about each type.

workaholic

 

The “Workaholic” Guy
For the guy who makes work priority number one, a relationship can seem like a distraction for which he hasn’t got the time or energy to deal with. It’s likely that he’s set very ambitious career goals for himself and is using them to avoid being in a committed relationship.  He’s the guy that needs to finish medical school, start his own practice, and cure Cancer before he can even think about finding Mrs. Right (Ladies you know the type).

Reality Check:   A guy like this may feel like he can’t sacrifice or compromise his career path for anyone.  However waiting for the “right time” isn’t the solution. This type of guy needs to understand that life doesn’t start when he schedules it, and it needn’t be a lonely climb to the top.   Rather than derail his career, a supportive mate could provide stability, encouragement and an attentive ear (things every person needs while striving for success).  With all that said – Honey this man still has a lot to learn (including that money and success won’t necessarily make him a better mate), and it’s NOT YOUR JOB to teach him this lesson.  Move on and find a man that understands there’s no need to sacrifice the desires of your heart in the name of ambition. Both can be obtained simultaneously.

Note:  Should you decide to ignore my advice a date a workaholic anyways I suggest you read this post from Thought Catalog so you can at least be prepared for what it’s like.

Party Animal Guy 1

Photo by Glamour.com

The “Party Guy” AKA Doesn’t Want To Grow Up Guy
For this guy, weekends in Vegas and hitting up the newest parties and clubs has too much appeal to entertain the possibility of settling down. Commitment is the furthest thing from this guy’s mind.

Reality Check:
 As the party men of the world mature, they may notice that their party-hearty peers are becoming fewer in number or that the average age of his social circle (and of his dates) remains constant as he ages. Another warning sign? More numbers in his cell phone for “friends with benefits” than those belonging to real friends. The bottom line is, for all the fun of casual encounters and late nights out, a partier would do well to understand that a committed relationship has its own joys too, including excitement and novelty. Guys like this are typically adrenaline junkies, and they fear that a commitment to one person will be no fun.  You’re best bet is to spare your time and feelings and find a man who is mature enough to know that emotional intimacy in a relationship can be a source of passion and adrenaline too.

Depressed  African American Man Leaning Against Al

Photo by Ebony.com

The “Too Hurt” Guy
This guy once upon a time believed in love, gave it a shot, got burned and now is too afraid to ever try again for fear of being hurt again.

Reality Check: Ok to the fellas that are reading this please know that first and foremost I’m not going to downplay heartbreak…IT SUCKS! However just because love didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean it will turn out the same way in the future. In time your heart will ache from withholding your desire to love again, and pining for too long over a lost love is downright unhealthy. Also I always tell women that it’s unfair to make one man pay for another man’s mistakes, so I recommend to you the same. Don’t make all women pay for another woman’s mistakes!  Take the time you need to heal your broken heart but don’t be content with living without love. “It is not good for man to be alone” Genesis 2:18.  And Ladies – Please don’t think that if you just hang around long enough you’ll be able to love this type of man out of heartbreak.  He will more than likely bring you down with him (unintentionally), so just accept that he’s not ready at this time and give him his space.

shy GIF

The “Shy Guy”
Meeting women requires conversation…which can be problematic for a shy guy and can stunt his relationship prospects. The intent to meet a good women is there, but the courage to talk to her is not.

Reality Check: Rather than forcing social behavior in a high-stress situation, like at a loud nightclub, shy guys may be better off searching for potential mates who share the same interests. The shy guy doesn’t have to walk up to someone cold, he instead should put himself in situations that present opportunities for easy conversation. Places like comedy clubs, team sports or anything else with expectations for regular participation, like volunteering. Or, if you do start dating someone, I suggest making it a double date or an activity date, thereby reducing the pressure of a one-on-one outing.  Now for my girls out there – Let’s all try to be mindful that it takes a lot for a man to approach us (especially when we’re running in packs), so  be willing to make a first move on your own every now and a gain (it won’t kill you ).  Also don’t be rude or turn a guy down just because he’s on the shy side, just because he’s isn’t striving to be the center of attention doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of paying you attention.

they-repeatedly-pull-disappearing-actse280a6at-the-same-damn-time-e14925249153911

Photo by Bigstock.com

The “High Standards Guy”
For all his many, many first dates, this guy is resolutely single, never having met anyone who quite fits his mold for the perfect women. He is convinced that “The One” is out there, but he is also convinced that she will meet all of his well deserved expectations 24/7.  He’s basically the male version of the chic with “The List” and he won’t put a ring on it until you check off every last box.  A guy with impossibly high standards may fall for someone, but is secretly always keeping his eye out for the next best thing so when he see’s a person’s flaws he becomes easily disappointed; so he leaves only to repeat the cycle again and again.

Reality Check:
 What these guys need to accept is that no one’s perfect …I repeat NO ONE IS PERFECT and that includes YOU SIR.  Stop focusing on finding “The One” and start enjoying the journey of building a great relationship over time with SOMEONE or ultimately end up with NO ONE.

Ladies beware!   If you come across this type of dude (and we all do at some point), my advice to you is to not let his unrealistic standards affect your self-esteem.  Walk away from this type of dude and never look back, because his ego will never make room in his heart for you.  Also his psyche has yet to understand is the flaws he sees in others are the flaws he has yet to address with himself.  Let him work out his shit in therapy and be with a man that loves you flaws and all.

GIF by Giphy QA

The “Inexperienced Guy”

Not to be confused with the shy guy mentioned earlier – This guy isn’t necessarily afraid to talk to women, he is just unable to keep them because he can sometimes come across as a bit too thirsty ( can also be known as the too eager guy).  For whatever reason (and there can be many) this dude just can catch a woman he just can’t keep her!

Reality Check:  The scale of the inexperience guy can range from the type that chase women around like Pepe Le Pew to others that fall back so much the woman wonders if he has any interest at all.  Your ability to continue to date him hill will be dependent upon your ability to communication your needs to him, while being patient with his growth process.  In other words, giving up on someone just because they haven’t dated as much as you have is kind of shallow and unfair.  Be open to being a part of his journey and who knows what you both might learn from the experience.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Loading Likes...
Follow:

1 Comment

  1. michellesillery
    October 2, 2018 / 5:06 am

    Absolutely loved this, so true & accurate!!. Especially the 43 year old wanting the 25 year old barbie doll. Some guys are sad & others I feel sorry for (especially the inexperienced guy)

Leave a Reply