“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”-Buddha

Everybody has at least one, or two, or maybe even a playlist of songs that when as soon as the music touches their ears they are in a good mood. I call them “feel good” songs. One of my feel good songs is Private Party by India Arie. Saturday while I was cleaning my house and blasting this song, a certain verse stuck out to me which says:

“All my life
I’ve been looking for
Somebody else
To make me whole
But I had to learn the hard way
True love began with me
This is not ego or vanity
I’m just celebrating me”

Though I’ve heard this song many times before, that verse struck a chord with me yesterday for two reasons. 1) I finally truly understand the importance of self-love and 2) I JUST had a conversation about this topic with a friend that morning. I’ve always been a believer of true love despite the decline of marriage in today’s society. I believe in soul mates, and I believe people can be blissfully happy (not 24/7 though of course). I am two wings and an arrow shy of being Cupid himself, however I also believe love takes work and the work begins with YOURSELF. Self-love is a prerequisite to finding true bliss with another person because love will bring you face to face with yourself. You will never be able to give to another person what you haven’t given to yourself. Loving yourself also breaks down the walls of fear of opening your heart and mind to others. Self-loving people are more confident and trusting than those who are not.

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.”-Sonya Friedman

I think women have a harder time buying into this notion than men do.Jessica Simpson said it best when she said,“It’s important for women to NOT find their confidence in a man. I think you really have to know who you are before you can truly fall in love and give your all, and I don’t think a man can define you. You have to own that.” Life is a journey of love. Learning to love yourself first and then extending that love to others every chance you get.

So this Valentine’s Day rather than focusing on your relationship status and whether or not someone will buy you a card and a dozen roses; focus on how much you love yourself and your life just the way it is. Instead of waiting for someone to buy you a gift, flowers, or chocolate why not treat yourself to those things? Love is already inside of you so start loving you for you and eventually someone else will too. Happy Valentine’s Day!